Part 1: Breaking the Cycle

In 2014, my heart reached a crossroads in the California Desert that altered my life forever. Retold with a broadened perspective and an open mind, this is my personal life's journey to Dakatta - the heart of why I do what I do, who I am, and why it matters to share Dakatta's purpose with all of you.

I hope somewhere along this story you're able to find yourself healing in my journey. Wherever you are in life, please remember you're always home. Together, we're never alone.

Part 1: Breaking the Cycle

“Be a good girl, Betty. Remember to take care of your little brother while I'm at work.” Her voice rose from the depths of my subconscious, breaking through the isolating darkness. The seemingly harmless words Mom used to say each day crashed into me like tidal waves, leaving bitter resentment and regret in their wake.

I’m 8 years old again standing on the driveway, watching Mom’s ’91 Toyota Camry fade from adolescence, where my chest often began to ache. 

 

Raised in a culture whose language of love translated into sacrifice and suffering, love was my parents leaving their homeland with only their will to survive. Love was working tirelessly to live a life more secure.

Love was lessening the burden by not making mistakes, speaking up, complaining, or questioning the way things were.

 

Born a girl and the eldest of Vietnamese immigrant parents, love was volunteering for every demand or cause, charitable to the aid of others without needing help in return. Love was learning how to navigate life without ever asking to be shone.

Love was caring for the needs of others before knowing how to truly care for her own.

 

Sheltered within this upbringing, I continued living in familiar feelings, surrounding myself with similar people and experiences that kept the small-world beliefs I held onto.

Like an unconscious habit, I gravitated toward friendships, relationships, and choices that circled me back to feeling unseen and directionless as I had on that childhood driveway I was drawn to.

 

Sixteen years later, still dependent on other people’s approvals and expectations as landmarks to guide me, I found myself stranded in the desert, once again on my own to figure out where to go next.

Gazing for answers, I explored the true north in who I was and where I stood—circumnavigating a new meaning of love as I searched to reconnect.

 

Wandering to the distant shores of an old memory, Mom’s voice echoed through the night. My buried emotions began churning inside, swelling into dark, towering waves.

Her words swallowed me whole, tearing me an ocean apart from the little girl I once knew myself to behave.

 

Facing a crossroads, of whether to remain in what I knew or to find the courage to know who I was free to be,

one destiny became clear:

Wherever I decide to go, I’m further bound to familiar experiences, until my inner landscape changes with me.

 

Seeking solace in the desert, I learned safety wasn’t found in avoiding failures, disappointments, or heartaches. Nor could love’s true nature blossom remaining rooted in traumas and misunderstandings. It’s sown through daring in expanding, beyond where fear and doubt begin.

Emerging as a beautiful lesson, love became an oasis. An ever-flowing choice, evolving from within.

 

 To be continued…

 

Part 1 is dedicated to those who gifted me beautiful lessons in this lifetime. Thank you for imparting the essential value of truly understanding one’s self and worth. Each and every one of you are a part of my drive to do better after learning better. May we always find a way to the oasis existing within each of us, beyond any mirages or doubts. Wishing true happiness and love, Betty.